The Marauders Guide To Surviving Hogwarts
by Shelb
Summary: Hi! It's Padfoot, Moony and Prongs here to give you a special guide with tips and stuff to help you get through Hogwarts, so please read this, and reveiw it so our lovely writer, and us Marauders will write another chapter!
1. Chapter 1 How to prepare for Hogwarts

A/N: Hi, I wrote this fic because I was bored. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The marauders are not mine! (Sob!)

_Moony's writing, **Prongs writing, **_**Sirius's writing**

The Marauders Guide To Surviving Hogwarts

By Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs (Wormtail just tags along and has no advice whatsoever)

Chapter 1: How to pack and prepare for Hogwarts

**Hello! Welcome to Sirius's Guide to Surviving Hogwarts!**

_Ahem, Padfoot aren't you forgetting a few people, _

**Oh yeah, I mean Padfoot's and Prongsies Guide to Surviving Hogwarts!**

_Padfoot, um still missing something,_

**Sirius and James Guide to Surviving Hogwarts?**

_No,_

**Oh yeah! Padfoot, Prongs, and Moony's Guide to Surviving Hogwarts!**

_Much better,_

_**Hey! I'm Prongs and this is our guide to Surviving Hogwarts and we are writing it all by ourselves because ghostwriters always do it wrong and try to make it all weird!**_

**Yeah, so we are writing it ourselves and yeah you get the picture,**

_Right, let's stay on subject or no one will read this, we are going to tell you in this first chapter how to pack and prepare for Hogwarts_

**_Yes, the first step is when you get your acceptance letter, jump up and down and be excited, also especially if you are muggleborn make sure that your parents let you go, if not, beg and beg, and beg, and if nothing works run away, and the Knight bus will pick you up and take you to the leaky caldron and there you will get to Hogwarts._**

_Yes, true but Prongs running away? No parent is going to let their kids read this!_

**Relax Moony! That's only last resort!**

_Whatever, anyway, if you are allowed to go to Hogwarts, you need to make sure you go to Diagon Alley for your stuff, all those muggle shops are fake, and plus, Hagrid will take you there, or your parents_

**_Uh- huh, once you have your stuff, on September 1st, you need to get to Kings cross station, on platform 9 ¾ _**

**You may think that's ridiculous, but it's true, you find platforms nine and ten right? And then you run right in to the brick wall, it's so awesome; over the years try it in different ways**

**_Yeah, one time, I went in backwards it was awesome, and I landed on Evans! On the down side she shot a really good bat- bogey hex_**

_That was a sight,_

**Yes, indeed, I tried it, sideways,**

_My first time, I just walked through it not, run because well, I didn't really think it was going to let me through anyway_

**But it did, didn't it Moony?**

_Yes, and then I tried running_

**You can try it in many ways shapes or forms, we even threw Wormtail through it once in sixth year, we arrived with him in animagus form, so no one knew and he changed into human form in the bathroom later. **

**_That was so awesome!_**

_Poor Wormtail, I told you it was a bad idea,_

**_On the downside he did land on this 7th year Slytherin prefect's hat, we got detention for a week, _**

**Which did help since me and Prongs wanted to break the detention record**

**_Yes, those were the good old days _**

_And you were very irresponsible_!

**Thanks Moony,**

_No problem,_

**Ok, next, oh yeah, we forgot an important thing!**

**_And what's that Padfoot?_**

**Packing!**

**_Oh my gosh! That is very important; when you are packing your trunk for Hogwarts here is what you will need_**

_Clothes_

**_Obviously_**

**Pranks, **

**_Good job Padfoot! You will also need lots of candy! When you're in Diagon Alley be sure to go to Honeydukes and Zonko's wait, that's in Hogsmeade, well in Diagon Alley, get as many candy and pranks as possible in whatever candy store there is out there._**

**Yes,**

_I have to agree on that, and make sure you pack neatly that way you can put more pranks and candy in there.._

**_Yes, that is one of the good things about being organized_.**

**Indeed, on the train, make sure you get a private compartment,**

**_NO SLYTHERINS WHATSOEVER!_**

_A very important rule, Prongs if you come across one, prank them_

**And when the snack lady comes order as much candy as possible without spending all of your money because well if you are above 2nd year, you'll want to buy more candy and pranks at Hogsmeade Honeydukes and Zonko's are the best place**

**_Don't forget the Quiddich shop too!_**

**Another important store!**

_Oh, and make sure Prongs doesn't flirt with Evans on the train,_

**Yes, there have been many bad experiences haven't there been Prongs?**

**_Yes, sadly I'm gonna go cry now. (Goes to cry)_**

_Poor Prongs, in second year, he tried to flirt with her on the train, she levitated him and threw him out the window of the train,_

**He had to chase it, and then Moony levitated him and brought him back. **

_It was a sad story; he had nightmares about it for two weeks._

**Moony was his psychiatrist, it helped a little, **

_That was the roughest two weeks of my life._

**Prongs got better, when we attacked the Slytherin common room; we turned the whole thing into a pond of quicksand! **

_But we made sure it would let them go when they sunk to their necks_,

**We hate Slytherins but we don't want to go to Azkaban**

_Well, we better go, poor Prongs is going to need us again._

**Well, see ya!**

**The best guide-writers ever!**

**Padfoot, **_Moony,_ **_And Prongs (Sob!) _**

A/N: How was that? I hoped you liked it, please review! I was reading this story about Fred and George writing a Manuel for life and I thought the Marauders could do one too, I'd just make it about Hogwarts only, not life so I hope I didn't really steal the idea, you can read her story if you want, it's on my favorites list. I read this and hers over and over again there is a lot of differences so I think I'm ok, I just wanted to let you know the idea wasn't entirely my own. I should put that in the disclaimer; I'll put it there in the next chapter. Anyways please Review! I love to hear from you! C'ya!


	2. Chapter 2 preparing for the sorting

A/N: Wow! You guys are fast with reviewing! Ok, here is an update for you all!

Disclaimer: The Marauders are not mine; I'm just borrowing them- forever (I wish maybe until this fic is done)

_Remus's writing, **James writing, **_**Sirius's writing**

Chapter 2: How to face the sorting ceremony.

_**Hi again!**_

_In this chapter we will discuss the sorting ceremony,_

**We have two versions, one for the first years, and one for the people above first year.**

_**You must be thinking 'Hey, it's just a ceremony what more could there be?' Well I got to tell you there is LOTS more.**_

_Yes, when you get off the train and arrive at Hogwarts you will see Professor McGonagall, who will tell you to wait in the hall until they are ready_

**And the wait isn't long at all, she just leaves and the doors open ten seconds later! **

_I think she doesn't want us to be in suspense for too long._

_**I know, Sirius was so nervous**_

**I was not!**

_**Yes, you were!**_

**No I wasn't!**

_**Yes you were,**_

**NOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

_**Yes!**_

_Ahem, we are supposed to be telling them more about the ceremony not fighting about suspense! No one will read this!_

_**Yes they will**_

_No they won't!_

_**Yes they will,**_

_No they won't_

_**Yes they will **_

_No they- ARGH! Prongs! Stop it! Padfoot quit rolling around the floor laughing._

_**Padfoot, you're drooling on the floor you're laughing so hard. Padfoot? PADFOOT GET UP!**_

_Prongs, we need plan B Yes I think so, Do you want to do it?_

_**I can, but maybe you should,**_

_You're his best friend_

_**You're the smart one**_

_Do it Prongs,_

_**Fine! Padfoot! You lost Mr. Noknots!**_

**Nooooooooooooooooooooo! Not Mr. Noknots! Prongs! You must help me find him! I need Mr. Noknots! PRONGS!**

_Anyways, while Prongs tells Sirius it was just a joke and assures him that Mr. Noknots is perfectly fine, I'm sure you'll want to know who Mr. Noknots is. It's Padfoot's, comb and you say the combs name like this 'No – knots' get it, it's the best comb Sirius claims to be the best with the tangles than any other comb, it's rather sad to see my friend being so psychotic but then again it's quite funny. And if Padfoot literally looses Mr. Noknots, me and Prongs call this a code 253 it's happened before, it is a real emergency, because Padfoot won't stop ranting and crying until we find it, did I mention Padfoot also has a fear of cats? Don't ask, it may be because he is a dog in Animagus form. Prongs! Padfoot ok yet?_

_**Yes, he's not hyperventilating any more I think we can continue.**_

_Great, _

**Prongs, the next time you do that I'm going to kill you!**

_Can we continue with the chapter now?_

**Oh yeah! I forgot about that, ok well when you are in the great hall ready to be sorted, the hat sings a wacko song, and your name gets called up, now if you are a Gryffindor that's great, cause then you have a chance at becoming a Marauder for the next generation. Ravenclaw, just be normal, Hufflepuff, same as Ravenclaw, and if you are made Slytherin, PUT THIS BOOK DOWN NOW! (A/N: I don't literally so if any of you readers like Slytherin, than it's ok, you can still read this fic back to Sirius now) WE HATE SLYTHERINS! AND WE WILL NOT LET OUR KNOWLEDGE GET OUT TO YOU UNREAL PEOPLES!**

_That's enough Padfoot,_

**Fine, **

_**Oh here is something if you are not a first year, put an invisible whoopee cushion (you can find these at Zonko's) on the stool, it'll be so awesome! Especially if that kid sitting on the stool is made Slytherin! Also after the sorting is done good 'ol Dumbledore will tell you that the Forbidden Forest is off limits, which it isn't us Marauders go in there all the time! I know it like the back of my hand! Just be careful of the dangerous creatures in there, unless you know how to properly take care of your self. **_

**And then my favorite part comes! We eat!**

_I suggest not eating too much, the food is so good, that you may accidentally eat too much on your first meal there, right Padfoot?_

**Well, yeah, sort of you know we don't have to talk about this now ****he, he. **

_**Oh Padfoot why don't we? **_

**It may not be the best idea you know, **

_Padfoot, it's not that bad,_

**Um **

**_Yeah! I mean you ate four chicken legs, six servings of mashed potatoes, two helpings of salad, 6 pudding bowls, 2 servings of jello, and 7 glasses of pumpkin juice and 4 bowls of ice cream, then you threw up your guts afterwards. _**

_In the great hall too, _

**_Poor Frank Longbottom, I bet he took a long shower. _**

**Guys that might have been a tiny exaggeration, and I only had 6 ½ glasses of pumpkin juice so there! **

_Whatever Padfoot, and you had a huge headache and a few brain freezes too!_

**_Yeah, and he had a stomachache for 5 hours! _**

_Yeah, he kept groaning, and groaning, and so we all didn't get any sleep! It made it so hard for me to stay awake during History of Magic the next morning_

**How do you stay awake during History of Magic? **

**_Yeah, everyone falls asleep in that class, even Lily did one time! _**

**And we never let her forget it either! That's the fun part! Hey Remus? **

_Yeah,_

**_Could you maybe just once fall asleep during History Of Magic? I mean you can read 4 books on the same subject afterwards! _**

_No, I know exactly what you're going to do, you want me to fall asleep so you can tease me about it for as long as we live and I'm not going to let you do that!_

**We could put a sleeping charm on you. **

**_That would be cheating Padfoot, it wouldn't feel so good if we caused it anyway! _**

**True, darn!**

_Well, we should be going I guess,_

**_Yeah, Padfoot still needs to perform his evening ritual with Mr. Noknots _**

**Yes, **

_Unless one of us, supposedly takes him_

**You wouldn't **

**_We would _**

**Could you sign my name for me at the bottom while I go check on Mr. Noknots? **

**_Sure! _**

_The most talented writers ever!_

_Moony, _**_Prongs, _And Padfoot, **

**PRONGS! WHERE IS MR. NOKNOTS! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! **

_Now it's time for Prongs to run for his life._

**_MOONY! SAVE ME! PADFOOT I WAS JUST KIDDING! STOP THAT!  
_GIVE ME MR. NOKNOTS! **

**_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! _**

A/N: How was that? When I was reading this to myself I just cracked up this was a very fun funny chapter to write, I hoped you liked it! Tell me in your reviews! The sooner I get reviews the sooner I update! Bye!


	3. What to do if your friend is a werewolf

A/N: Well you guys reviewed! You asked for it! Here is a new chapter!

Disclaimer: You have go to be kidding me; do I _look_ like J.K.R to you? Well most of you don't even know what I look like anyway but I don't look like J.K.R. I'm not blonde, (J.K.R. _is_ blonde right?)

**_Prongs writing _Padfoot's writing **_Remus's writing_

Chapter 3: What to do if one of your friends is a werewolf 

_**Hello again my fine readers,**_

**Hi Prongs,**

_**Pads, you've been with me for the past… 6 hours, we have already said our hellos!**_

**We did? I must have missed that, **

_**Any way our chapter is on what to do if your friend is a werewolf; we have tons of experience on it for good ol' Moony over here is one hence his nickname.**_

**Yeah, and since hardly no one knows about Moony's er well yeah we give it code names we usually call it 'Moony's Time Of Month'**

_EWE! SIRIUS BLACK THAT IS SICK AND WRONG! AND WE DON'T CALL IT THAT TIME OF MONTH YOU BIG LIAR! And I totally disapprove on this subject as a chapter we are writing in our book!_

**Moony, I was just kidding around, but the subject is very important so all the little werewolves out there who go to Hogwarts don't feel so bad and so that their friends can help them out! Right lil' werewolves out there?**

_**Um Padfoot, I hate to break it to you but the 'lil' werewolves out there' can't write in the book cheering 'YEAH!' and if they do we won't be able to see it anyways! Unless we steal our own book from a poor kid!**_

**That might work but for now I'm faking it, Moony, can you say 'YEAH!' in response to my earlier point?**

_Uh, why?_

**Cause you're a werewolf and you agree to my point right?**

_Uh…(reads Padfoot's line) yeah I guess, ok fine YEAH!_

**Thank you,**

_No problem (grinds teeth)_

**_Anyway we call Moony's er problem his 'Furry little problem' 'That Time Of Month' is WAY too girlish and make everyone think under those clothes Moony wears is-_**

_Prongs! Let's keep this 'G' rated for the 11 year olds reading this!_

_**Oh sorry,**_

**Any way the best way to deal with this problem is to…  
****Have him transform by the Whomping willow, which is that crazy tree, and tap a root and follow the secret passage to the Shrieking Shack so you can prance around Hogsmeade and stuff and I advise to become illegal Animaguses-**

_PADFOOT! Will you quit suggesting stuff to put these poor kids into Azkaban?_

**No,**

_That's it, I'm going to stop writing this, I'm not going to go to jail for making kids go to jail!_

**But Moony! It's fun to go to jail for making kids go to jail! Jail has good food right?**

_**I heard you hardly get ANY food in the wizarding prisons,**_

**On second thought, Moony can come back no more jail talk, but umm Moony?**

_Yes Padfoot?_

**Since I already spilled the beans anyway, can't we tell our readers about Animaguses?**

_(Sigh) fine, go ahead, I'm going to take some Advil_

_**You actually TAKE those stupid muggle drugs?**_

_Yes, it works better for my case on headaches from dealing with you guys! And I won't even have to go to the hospital wing!_

_**Ok,**_

**Anyway, and Animagus is a complicated magic where you can turn yourself into an animal as many times as you want, no potions, no spells no time limits! It takes FOREVER to accomplish though, took us 3 years!**

_**Yeah and you can't choose your animal, Wormtail tried to and he looked like a deformed platypus and an elephant with beaver teeth- bad mental images. It was hilarious though,**_

**You're telling me! Moony nearly wet himself from that sight!**

_I did not!_

**Yes you did!**

_I did not!_

**_Admit it Moony!_**

_I did not! I will never admit it for I did not wet myself_

**I never said you DID I said you NEARLY wet yours**elf

_That's not true either, I am potty trained, it was tempting but I PREVENTED myself from wetting myself thank you very much!_

_**Uh huh, sure**_

**Yeah,**

_And how old are we?_

_**Uh… 17 in our 7th year in Hogwarts**_

_And why are we acting like idiot 12 year olds? (No offense to the 12 year olds reading this)_

**Because we are children at heart!**

_More like lunatic children if you ask me,_

**We most certainly are not!**

_Yes we are!_

**NOOOOOO WE ARE NOT!**

_PADFOOT I'M WARNING YOU!_

**ARGGGGGG!**

_OUCH! OH YOU ARE SO IN FOR IT THIS TIME!_

_**Uh guys, we are kind of off subject here…**_

_**Guys?**_

_**Guys?**_

_**HEY! Padfoot put down my cloak….**_

_**REMUS! QUIT HITTING SIRIUS WITH THE MARAUDERS MAP! THAT THING IS SPECIAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO HIT PEOPLE EXXPECIALLY FELLOW MARAUDERS, THE ONLY HARM IT IS ALLOWED TO BE USED FOR IS FOR THROWING INSULTS AT ANYONE WHO TRIES TO BREAK IN! I NEED TO ADD THAT TO OUR RULES OF CONDUCT! Let's see… Rule 1,987: Never use the Marauders Map to brutally harm anyone especially a fellow Marauder, so it doesn't rip or worse, the only harm the Marauders Map is to be used for is for throwing insults at stupid curious people who have no right to even dare look at our map… There, that should do it, REMUS! I SAID STOP-HITTING SIRIUS WITH THE MAP! YOUR VIOLATING ONE OF OUR RULES!**_

_I don't remember any rules on that…_

_**It's right here, see rule 1,987**_

_You added that just now didn't you?_

**_Remus J. Lupin? What ever gave you that horrific idea?_**

_I don't know… How else did the other 1,973 rules come from huh? We only had ten major rules the last time I checked!_

_**They came from… Sirius!**_

**Hey! I only added 878 of those rules!**

_You guys actually counted how many you added?_

**_Yeah I only added 1,030! Which means…_**

**Moony? Did you add some?**

_I CONFESS! I ADDED 65 RULES! THEY WERE ALL ON EDUCATION THOUGH! For example rule 1,256, which I added a 3 weeks ago, is: No pranking if you have a failing grade-_

_**WHAT!**_

**NO WAY!**

_I'm not done yet you loons! No pranking if you have a failing grade- with an exception of cursing Snape or a Slytherin of your choice once a day until you get your grade up._

**_That means once per Slytherin right?_**

_No, just one person that's it,_

_**I guess I'll live…**_

**Yeah, but it's better than nothing, ok Moony you can keep that rule**.

_Thank you,_

**Your welcome,**

_**Now back to the subject, which was Animagi. So bottom line, the Animagi chooses your animal for you, but don't try unless it's urgent.**_

_Yes,_

**Awe! That spoils all the fun!**

_Padfoot…_

**Sorry, fine have it your way!**

**_Cool!_**

_He meant my way Prongs, continuing on, if your friend is a werewolf, at every full moon he has to transform, and it can be painful. I suggest to have him/her take a dose of Wolfsbane, it's a complicated potion, just ask your potions master about whipping up a batch for you._

**Moony, there is no such thing as a himher, it has to be a him or a her!**

_Sirius Black do you see the' /'between him and her?_

**Oh! Never mind!**

_What school did you go to?_

**Hogwarts!**

_Expression and sarcasm Sirius, I did not mean for you to answer that!_

**_That just about wraps up all the details on werewolf issues, oh yeah not many people like werewolves so don't tell anyone unless they either find out or you trust them._**

_Let's say good bye now!_

**The greatest Marauders ever!**

_**Prongs,**_ **Padfoot,** _And Moony_ **The furry werewolf**

_PADFOOT!  
_**AHHHHHHH! PRONGSIES OL' PAL! A LITTLE HELP!**

**_No, I'm just going to laugh now… hahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha!_**

And, that wraps it up, please reveiw! Oh and let me know if you want to be one of my staff in my new C2: Marauder Fun!


	4. EXCLUSIVE! Pursuing Lily Evans: Part 1

A/N: Hello my lovely readers! I have returned from my vacation! Thank you for waiting! This chapter you will adore! I love this idea so much I'm going to be cracking up! Here it is!

Disclaimer: Hello? People get that I don't own it! It's not like anyone will actually read this anyway!

Chapter 4: Pursuing Lily Evans Part 1

_Remus's writing **James's writing **_**Sirius's writing**

_**Exclusive Chapter! By Prongs,**_

_And ridiculed by Moony and _**Padfoot! **

_**How to pursue you crush with examples of every single time me, Prongs has asked Lily Evans out and still kept pursuing – **Even though he was turned down numerous times! _

_**Thank you for pointing that out Moony (insert sarcasm here) **_

_Prongs got this interesting idea of telling you every single time Prongs has failed to ask Lily out…. I find it ridiculous… although amusing…_

**Very amusing- no wait down right hilarious!**

**_Pursuing Lily Evans even though she turned me down every single time but I still know she loves me she's just too stubborn to show it so I know she'll break down and say yes – eventually. Or for short : PLEETSTMDESTBISKSLMSJTSTSISIKSBDASYE_ **

**That still looks incredible long…**

_**Ok, here we go 0 down 5,987 to go….**_

_Oh, my gosh you actually counted… This is too much _

_**Here we go…. Again**… _

_**1) Ahh, here it is… The first time I asked her out… #sniff# brings back so many memories...**_

**Will you just get on with it?**

_**Ok! Ok! Fine! Don't rush me! As I was saying, when I was eleven in first year I merely had a crush on her –**_

_A bad crush on her, he'd walk up to her randomly and say 'Hey sweet thang!' do you remember how much that annoyed her!_

**Yes! Now that was a good memory! She nearly exploded every time! **

**_AHEM! It is my turn to talk! Continuing on… I was stupid when I was eleven, now when I was in second year, I decided to ask her out, for the first time. As she stepped onto the train I swept her off of her feet – literally and –_**

**You dropped her, **

_**I was getting to that – eventually…. #Throws random hex at Padfoot#**_

**Hey! #&$**

_No cussing on paper!_

**Sorry Moony… I can tell why Lily hates him… **

**_Ha, ha, I'm dripping with sarcasm, Ok, I dropped her and she asked – you know what? Why don't I do this word for word – it's easier:_**

**_"POTTER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! "_**

"_**I'm sorry, I was trying to sweep you off your feet, I dropped you because I tripped on the step, would you go out with me?"**_

"_**Of course…" Lily jumped into James's arms and kissed him**_

**WHAT! #record screeches# That was NOT what happened!**

**_Uh… yes it was… #kicks Sirius's shin# OW! _**

_Sorry Prongs… that was your imagination, folks, I'll tell you what really happened:_

"_POTTER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"_

"_I swept you off your feet – as I was saying, #get's down on one knee# would you go out with me? I didn't mean to drop you- you were a little heavy- "_

"_Are you calling me fat!"_

"_NO! I AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lily levitated James and threw him out the window of the train, unfortunately for him the train was now moving so he had to chase it, I had to levitate and bring him back. It was a sad story… but funny!_

**_HEY! Moony! You're not helping at all! _**

**He's cheering me up though! **

_**Your entertainment is not the highest priority! **_

_Shall we continue please?_

**Right:**

_**2) This time, I attempted for her to fall 'head over heels in love' with me – literally,**_

_She ended up in the hospital wing for three weeks due to a broken neck; it was not the best start of the school year,_

**She hexed him so bad he had to stay in the hospital wing twice as long! And she happily served a weeks worth of detention! **

_**Now guys, we don't have to bring too many details #grits teeth# **_

_You know, I'm actually enjoying this!_

**Bring on #3! **

_**3) Ok, fine, this one I took a different approach, I wrote her a note, **_

_She burnt it, _

**Right in your face, you had a red spot on your nose from it,**

_**At least it didn't scar! **_

_**4) I sent her roses with notes on them**_

_She gave them to Snape, _

**Who was allergic to them he got snot everywhere on them!**

_**Really, how dare he contaminate those gorgeous flowers for my gorgeous girl! **_

_**5) As you have realized I had a daily flirting routine with her every breakfast, lunch, dinner, and before bed and a few extra times on weekends, I never asked her out then… But one time, I casually said 'By the way how about dinner on Friday?' **_

**She flipped,**

_He had jelly legs for an hour, _

**_6) This was Moony's favorite, I dressed up like a professional scholar, _**_I'm surprised you can spell it! __**Shut up Moony, anyway so then I looked off of Moony's notes and said all the answers, **_

**The teachers were afraid of him now… too bad it didn't last, he got caught, and Lily hexed him anyway right after Prongs finished the well-known question.**

_You looked off of MY NOTES! I thought you actually STUDIED! You spent so many hours in the library! _

_**I was not looking up school! I was looking at the Hogwarts records to find the detention record and Quiddich record, Flirting record, They have records for like everything you know! Even the most consumed amount of food record!**_

**They have a food record? I'm in heaven! **

_**This isn't about you! **_

**One can dream! **

**_7) Ok, this one, I dressed up as a French dude, _**_Don't ask, __**Shut it Moony, anyway, and tried to ask her out, I put a rose in my mouth the whole gig! And –**_

**She shoved the rose in his mouth, **

_He spent the rest of the afternoon in the loo coughing up petals,_

_**That rose tasted terrible! I must have bought a bad brand… **_

**_8) _This was a good one **_Indeed, I still laugh about it, **Let me just tell them! Ok, this was a little stupid but I stuck my self to the ceiling, just the feet, When Lily walked into the room I swooped down and asked the question –**_

**#Stifles giggles# MEN DON'T GIGGLE! #fine! Stifles CHUCKLES NOT GIGGLES! # Thank you, now to my criticism! Prongs fell off the ceiling, **

_He and Lily spent a long time in the hospital wing, _

_**And I enjoyed every minute of it! – Minus the pain anyways…**_

_She was in hell every minute of it, Pompfrey had to ban her wand from her, she was tempted to hex him so bad, she had to be strapped to the bed! _

_**She was on fire… #goes into dream land#**_

_EARTH TO PRONGS!_

_**Huh? What? **_

**Quit daydreaming dirty thoughts about Evans!**

_**What? Who said I was?**_

_We know that look on your face… _

**Go to confession bad boy! **

_**Hey! But, I… uh… Hogwarts doesn't hold confession! #Sigh# idiots… **_

_I heard Jimmy Olden was being ordained…_

**Wanna schedule a session Prongs?**

_**Not. Funny. **_

_We're serious Prongs, at least I am…_

**HEY! I'M SIRIUS! HOW MANY TIMES TO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS! ME, SIRIUS! YOU, IDIOT! PRONGS, GIRL DEPRIVED!**

_**Hey! I'm not THAT deprived! **_

_Thank you for being concise and to the point Padfoot,_

**No problem**

_#Prongs and Moony at the same time# **I**d**i**o**t**! _

_**9) – 50) This time I poked her every time saying 'will you go out with me? #poke#' again and again! **_

_She slapped you every time! _

**No comment,**

_**Then don't write anything Padfoot! **_

_I think we should go_

**Stay tuned for part 2!**

_**Of PLEETSTMDESTBISKSLMSJTSTSISIKSBDASYE**_

_How the hell can you remember that?_

**Even I can't remember that! And that is surprising**

_No kidding…coughidiotcough_

_**50 times down… 51 to go- we don't have enough book space to write all 5,987so, we're going with 101 **_

_The last 39 attempts were boring but shocking to say it only took them ten minutes!_

**They have fast mouths and hands, Prongs had red cheeks for weeks! **

_Lily got detention – who knew she could be a bad girl?_

_**That's one of the 101 reasons why I love her! Hey, I should tell them to you!**_

_**1) -**_

_Whoa, Prongs, save it for later, finish the 101 attempts first,_

_**Ok, **_

_**The greatest Pursuers ever! **_

_Moony, _**Padfoot _And Prongs the best pursuer! _**

**Shut up Prongs, **

A/N I'm done for now I'm thinking of more 'Asking Lily out scenarios' Any suggestions? Please tell me! Also if you have any suggestions for any other chapter here please share it! Bye!


	5. Chapter 5 Pursuing Lily Evans: Part 2

A/N: I've finally updated! YAY ME! Thank you to BlackRosePoison-Orchid, ga nat nat, Lara, amattsonperdue, and Vern The Evil Dictator, for giving me your suggestions! I will use them all! Ok, here is the part 2 of – yeah it's long…

Disclaimer: I don't own it!

Chapter 5 Pursuing Lily Evans: Part 2

**Padfoot's writing** _**Prongs writing** Moony's writing,_

**_Part 2 of PLEETSTMDESTBISKSLMSJTSTSISIKSBDASYE_**

_HOW CAN YOU STILL REMEMBER THAT!_

_**Photo graphic memory – another gift I have **_

**Can we just start! I don't want my popcorn to get cold!**

_**Fine, fine, fine…**_

_One note: These are in no specific order – just the best most memorable ones that I will treasure forever…_

(This Idea was suggested by BlackRosePoison-Orchid)

_**51) Ok, this time, I got up into the girls dorm and showered her room with rose petals, **_

**Don't ask how he got in there, **

_Actually do ask, I can explain it all in about 3 hours! _

_**NO MOONY! Save it for another chapter, **_

_Fine, be that way, _

**Didn't Evans's owl choke?**

**_Hey, it's not my fault her owl is stupid and will eat anything in its path!_**

_What was he supposed to do? His food is red, he just thought it was covered in owl chow; you should have used yellow roses or something…_

(This was suggested by ga nat nat)

**_52) I sent her a howler, which said 'Will you go out with me?' _**

**She was so humiliated; the whole Great Hall heard it, **

_It resulted in an intense food fight between Prongs and Lily,_

**They got detention, Lily of course was mad that Prongs had to serve it with her, **

**_53) I asked her out during detention,_**

_Which was a very bad move you had to serve another detention with her!_

**NO! That was a GOOD move! That got Prongs and me closer to breaking the detention record! Go Prongs Go! That was weird…**

(This was suggested by Lara, Vern the Evil Dictator suggested this too, but she also suggested other ideas so this one goes to Lara,)

**_54) Ok I serenaded her, _**

**Man my ears still hurt! **

_Do you know how crazy that song was? Here I'll show you the exact words:_

_James stood on the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall,_

_'Ladies and Gentleman, I'd like to perform a serenade for Miss Lily Evans, #clears throat#_

_Lily, my flower,_

_You make me sing in the shower,_

_Your hair is so red,_

_It makes me fall out of bed,_

_Your eyes are so green,_

_It makes me eat my beans,_

_You are so beautiful,_

_And prettiful too,_

_Moony tells me prettiful isn't a word,_

_But in my vocabulary it is, he is such a turd,_

_This serenade could go as long as the world exists,_

_But sadly it must end, but before it does I must insist,_

_Will you go out with me?'_

**Notice how crazy this is!**

_It did sound terrible, I think McGonagall lost some of her hearing that day_…

**Lily's reaction was she dumped water on him, and he washed away… literally, it was a charm it was like a big wave of really, really cold water – with a note in a bottle that said 'I'D NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON ON THIS EARTH! – Lily Evans,' **

(This was suggested by amattsonperdue)

**_55) I showered her with lilies,_**

_He got the charm all wrong so it ended up in a lily body bind,_

**She thought he was attacking her, so she did a lot of self-defense charms,**

_Prongs nearly got expelled but thankfully Padfoot and me explained Prongs crush on Lily and it was all put aside, but Prongs still had to serve detention and a long time in the hospital wing_

(The next two were suggested by Vern the Evil Dictator)

**_56) I did a mime act, of her falling in love with me,_**

**It was hysterical! He was pretending to kiss the air and every thing! Wedding bells, a Prongs jr. It was so funny! The entire school was laughing so hard! **

_Including me… I'm surprised Prongs could keep a straight face while doing his act,_

**_57) I performed a scene from Romeo and Juliet, _**

**But during the death part, Lily walked up there, Prongs was expecting a kiss, but she stabbed him with a plastic knife, **

_She got detention while Prongs went to the hospital wing, poor Madam Pomfrey… Us four Marauders and Lily were ALWAYS in the hospital wing- and half of the Slytherin House…I guess we're all accident prone- or victims… Madam Pomfrey's curse… I wonder if she get's a raise for handling us… I'd want one…_

**_58) I did a New Years fireworks display! _**

**That was not a bad display – until Prongs jacket got stuck on a lit firework, Prongs flew very high, **

_Thankfully he was able to take his jacket off before it exploded, so down, down, went Prongs to the ground, he landed on Lily, his face was all black and they spent a long time in the hospital wing, Lily was a little concerned about Prongs – I mean nearly being blown up is very dangerous, but she still turned Prongs down when he asked her out – just in a nicer fashion,_

**_Which is a good sign! Maybe I should do it again! _**

_Don't Prongs… She's not going to like it…_

**_Fine, _**

**_59) I played the guitar and sang the same serenade I sang before,_**

_Which was worse than the first time!_

**_Don't rub it in – I'll try the clarinet next time…_**

**Prongs, you can't sing and play the clarinet at the same time! It's impossible! Even I'm not that dumb!**

_But you are dumb sometimes Padfoot,_

**Yes, I know – HEY! **

**_60) I had her complete an Easter treasure hunt, _**

**That was fun! I found 5 eggs! **

_I found 50…_

**_I hid them all! When Evans found the last egg, it was one of those plastic ones that open up, the treasure was a note – from me naturally, _**

_She still turned you down,_

**_61) For Halloween I dressed up as Prince Charming and asked her out then –_**

**She still said no, **

**_But I still do it every year – I still look good too…_**

**_62 – 101) Christmas is here yes, I gave her… 39 gifts each with a card that asked the lucky question,_**

_She gave you thirty nine 'no's' written on 39 lumps of coal_

**Prongs, why didn't you give us 39 presents! I only got one from you! **

**_I was broke Padfoot, the keychain was all I could afford… _**

**_The best writers in the whole galaxy!_**

**Padfoot, **_Moony_, **_And Prongs! # Prongs loves Evans#_**

A/N: Hey! I would have written 39 more 'asking Lily out' thing but I'm exhausted, Please review! And feel free to give me chapter ideas! None of them are stupid!

Shelb


	6. Chapter 6 How to Keep Sirius in Check

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! Here are some yummy brownies! Here is another update!

Disclaimer: Not mine, if it was, I would be a billionaire; have another book published after HP, live in a mansion, star in my own HP movies, make Sirius Black mine… But sadly that's fantasy; I'm just a person in the process of writing a novel, stuck here writing fanfics….

Chapter 6: How to keep Sirius in check.

**_Prongs writing, _Padfoot's writing, **_Moony's writing_

_Hello, fine readers, I want to ask you something, do you see a pattern in our entries? Each chapter is based on a certain Marauder, kind of makes a pattern huh? Each chapter is based on annoying a certain Marauder; Prongs had the last two chapters, which wasn't fair so Padfoot and me will each have two chapters in a row based on ourselves. I hope you get it so far, so according to the pattern it's… Sirius's turn to be bugged! (Excuse my childish laugh) YAY! _

**Hey! **

_**Me and Moony are going to have a blast with the next two chapters… (Rubs hands evilly) **_

**Well at least the two chapters after my two, will be to bug Moony! **

_Hey!_

**How to keep me in check? Moony did you come up with the title again?**

_Yes, and that's exactly what's going to happen, it's a wonder your Mum was able to live with you before you got kicked out of your family!_

**I never liked my family – I was trying to get kicked out! **

**_Whatever… To take care of Sirius… It's a hard job, especially when it comes to when he's hyper… _**

_NEVER give him Coffee, with ANY sweets, AND coke – he's obsessed with the muggle drink. You'll never live to tomorrow if you give him Coffee. Coffee at breakfast is ok, as long as he doesn't eat sweets with it, he'll get so hyper he might accidentally commit suicide. Prongs get's hyper with coffee, sweets, and coke too, he's a little easier to take care of, he just bounces off the walls, but if Prongs and Padfoot are BOTH hyper, Prongs will nearly kill himself with Padfoot's hyper influence._

**_Hey! We're supposed to bug Padfoot not me!_**

_I know, sorry._

**I don't nearly kill myself! That must be an exaggeration!**

_So you think attempting to jump off the top of the Astronomy Tower is not a suicidal attempt?_

**Well, maybe suicidal, but not fatal! **

_Padfoot, I hate to break it to you but Suicidal and Fatal both mean the same thing: DEATH!_

**Death? As in the stuff our Divination Teacher freaks us out with? **

**_Yes, Padfoot_, **

**Oh, well maybe you have a little point… Have I really tried to kill myself? **

_Well…_

**_About 532 times Pads, but not purposfully, you're such an idiot you don't know if it's fatal or not..._**

_You actually counted?_

**_Yes, I wanted to see if he could break the school record for 'most attempted suicide incidents' _**

**They have a record for that?**

**_Like I said a few chapters back they have records for EVERYTHING_**

**Cool, did I break the record?**

**_Well… let me see… The record was 50 - which was lame- you made me commit about 342 attempts… I held it then you broke it._**

**Sweet… **

**_I remember those most memorable accidental suicide attempts…. Nearly jumping off the Astronomy Tower, Swinging on the chandelier in the Great Hall attempting to fly, Going the wrong way into the girls dorms, Trying to kill Mrs. Norris, Putting a lot of gum on your shoes then attempt to walk on the ceiling… I could go on all night! _**

**Trying to kill Mrs. Norris is murder! Not suicide!**

**_The cat looked like the one committing the murder,_**

_The next thing you should worry about Sirius is: Don't let him drink an excessive amount of alcohol – he too regrets it…_

**Yeah, don't even go there, it's really embarrassing…**

**_He always ends up getting a date with some weirdo – heck he got a gay person to go out with him, but during his hangovers… He really, really regrets it. _**

**I told you not to bring it up! **

**_Couldn't help it, _**

_If Padfoot ever gets into trouble, the best way to punish him is to take away Mr. Noknots… Well, um, if you know how to survive his wrath, he'll kill you until you give it back, so on second thought… To punish him, send him to the library._

**DON'T SAY THAT CURSED WORD! **

**_I dare you to say it Pads,_**

**Lia, libooboo…. Uh, leaha libber, larry, loo –loo, this is hard! **

_Say 'Lie'_

**Lie**

_Say 'brary'_

**Brary **

_Lie,_

**Lie,**

_Brary,_

**Brary **

_Say it faster,_

**Lie-Brary, Ly-brary, library, library**

**_Ha! You said it twice!_**

**What! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You tricked me!**

_Yes, it was awesome, (puts memory in scrapbook)_

**_You do scrap booking? _**

_Yes,_

**_That's so stupid it's cool! _**

_Oh yeah and if Padfoot flirts with a girl you like- feel free to kill him!_

**_I second that, Padfoot, if you lay a finger on Evans I will… quarter you and feed your testacles to Mrs. Norris! _**

**Prongs! **

_Isn't that a little – ouch – harsh?_

**That would hurt… Cool, **

**_On second thought I'd give them to Filch to prize forever, he'd like that… Oh and I'd give you're comb to the Giant Squid. _**

**EWE! NO! Prongs! I promised I'd stay away from Evans when we made our Code of Conduct! Besides I hate Evans as much as she hates you!**

**_Hey!_**

**I'm not done you dork! (**A/N: A friend of mine always calls people a dork playfully if he get's interrupted, or some other situation – it's funny, we all laugh cause we're dorks!) **But if you like her – I guess I can tolerate her.**

**_Ok, but that's what will happen if you break that rule!_**

**Fine Prongs, jeez, **

_(Gulping) I'm glad Evans is only my friend… Ouch…_

**Let's change the subject, **

**_Padfoot loves food; it's shocking he didn't get chubby like Peter did!_**

**Don't' mention Peter! I'm still getting over his death! **

**_Readers in case you didn't know, um, Peter kind of died…_**

_While being Wormtail in animagus, Mrs. Norris caught him and ate him._

**I tried to rescue him… But he fell into the jaws of that stupid cat! **(A/N: I know Peter is really alive, but I don't like Peter and I don't think any of you do either - so I killed him off! I want James, Lily and Sirius to remain alive, so I got rid of the traitor! YAY! Celebrate! Harry get's parents! Harry will still defeat Voldemort so there still is an HP story, his parents will be alive though! Back to the guide…)

_We had to think of an excuse that he had to go back to his family suddenly and told us to tell them so we wouldn't get expelled or something bad…_

**_Let's change the subject… again…_**

_Maybe we should stop the chapter since we apparently can't find anything to say… Unless you wanna talk about that essay McGonagall gave us…._

**No, no, this chapter is long enough,**

_You sure? Cause I mean we have to write about how dangerous animagus is to learn and that it's like self-transfiguration so…_

**_Do you think we don't know all this already MOONY?_**

_True…_

**_Let's say good-bye!_**

**Good-bye! **

_Good -Bye!_

_Moony,_ **_Prongs,_ And Padfoot**

A/N: I know Peter is alive so don't bug me about it! It's my fic and Lily, James, and Sirius dying is just… It literally makes me cry, they are like the coolest HP people ever! They can't die! Please review!

Shelb


	7. Chapter 7 How to Document an Insane Date

A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever but I'm getting back on track!! YAY! Thank you to Scarlet White who gave me some awesome ideas! I promise I will use them!

Disclaimer: not mine

_Moony's writing_ **_Prongs writing_ Padfoot's writing**

_Chapter 7: er… I don't know what to call it! _

_Erm, Hi everyone, welcome back for another chapter of the Marauders Guide to Surviving Hogwarts! _

_**Welcome! Hey Padfoot get over here!!! **_

**Huh? What? Are you guys writing another chapter with out me???**

_**Er- yeah, got a problem with that? **_

**Depends on what it's about. **

_We haven't named it if that's what you mean_

**Why are you writing when you don't know what to write? **

_We'll just call it the random chapter_

**What ever, well see ya! **

**_WAIT! Where are you going? _**

**Oh, I forgot to tell you didn't I? I have a date**

**_REALLY? With who? Did you finally get the courage to ask Emmeline Vance?_**

**Er… no**

_Then why are you going out with a different girl then? _

**She asked me- she's one of my fans… Now if you excuse me, I have a date to pick up. **

_Just tell us her name!_

**Eunice, bye!**

_……………_

**_…………_**

_Well I guess it's just you and me Prongs…._

_**Who names their kid Eunice??? **_

_Beats me…._

…………_**. Hey Moony! I got an idea! **_

_What?_

_**What about we name this chapter: How to document a insane date( meaning Eunice- who likes Sirius but he doesn't like her) with out the clueless people noticing – plus it'd fit perfectly with the pattern, it's still Sirius' turn! **_

_Awesome! Let's do it! _

_**I'll grab the cloak**! _

_Kids don't try this at home- that's why we're doing it for you!_

_**I got it! Let's go! **_

_Ok…. We're following Sirius, and…. IS THAT EUNICE???_

_**Whoa…for a weird name like that she sure is….hot….**_

_I know I pictured her a kind of darkish look, you know, bushy hair glasses, weird voice…._

_**Me too, but whoa….Why DOESN'T Sirius like her?**_

_Beats the heck out of me…_

_**Even YOU are drooling! **_

_No… I'm Not!_

_**Yes you are**_

_No_

_**Yes **_

_No_

_**Let's just drop it they're getting away! **_

_Shoot_

_**Eunice looks shy…. So innocent… So nervous…So obsessive over Padfoot…So- DOES SHE HAVE ANY TABLE MANNERS AT ALL!!! EWE! She acts just like us when we're in the privacy of our own room! **_

_Ewe…do you know how hard it is to picture a girl picking her nose…like that, she practically stuck her whole finger up there! How it's possible I don't know…_

_**HAHA! Sirius is trying to be 'polite' and copy her! HAHA! Maybe I should try! **_

_James…please don't_

**_Make me_**

_stop James…NO! EWE! And I'm in the same cloak with you! How nasty!_

**_Ok I'm done- that hurts… Ewe! She ATE her bugger! Nasty._**

_Please don't copy her Sirius, Please don't copy her Sirius_

**_Too late_**

_No…No… _

**_Awe, she's laughing, she thinks Sirius is adorable!_ **

_She snorted…Loud…_

**_Sirius is pretending not to notice._ **

_I think they're done eating,_

**_Which reminds me… I'm hungry, can we please take a detour and pick something up to –go ? _**

_No, _

**_Awe man!_**

_Besides, I don't want to throw up with those bad mental images still in my mind_

**_Good point- but this is good- blackmail for Padfoot for life!_**

_Yes, I'm savoring the victory as well. _

_**Whoa… Moony, that frown about Eunice is turning into a smile again, looks like she's a good kisser- being obsessed with Sirius and all…Uh –oh, now it's going a little too far Eunice…**_

_As nice as that might be from a complete stranger (mind you I'm being sarcastic) I think that's freaking Sirius out._

_**HAHA! He's running! Moony can I laugh out loud instead of in the book?**_

_No, he'll hear you, it's hard for me to keep it in as well._

_**HAHA! She's chasing him! All puckered up too! Jeez this has been one heck of a date to witness! **_

_I agree, this chic is…full of surprises…_

_**Ok, I think Sirius has gotten away from her and will soon be returning to our room. I guess we should go and wait for him? **_

_That would be smart…._

_BACK **AT **HOGWARTS _

**#GASP! # I'm…. Back….**

_**#stifles laugh# Oh, really? How'd it go?**_

_Yeah tell us everything!_

**OH! Uh… it was… pretty good, Eunice was nice, pretty, and polite, it… went….rather well…**

_**WHAT! THAT WAS SO NOT WHAT HAPPENED! WHAT ABOUT THE SNORTING THE POUNCING THE KISSING THE NOSE PICKING AND- AND- THE PENGUINS AND MARSHMALLOWS!! **_

_Way to keep it down low Prongs…._

_**Thank you, **_

**HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?**

**_Erm… Lucky guess?_**

_Nice try Prongs, but I have a question…I didn't see any Penguins or Marshmallows…_

_**Yeah, there were, on Eunice's purse- little drawings of penguins and Marshmallows were on her shirt jumping into hot chocolate**_

_Oh, I don't remember that…_

**YOU GUYS STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED!!!**

_**Well um…. We…**_

_You see um we did… _

_**We documented your date as a chapter in our book. **_

_Called: How to document an insane date without your friend knowing_

_**The title was my idea!**_

**WHAT!! HOW COULD YOU!!**

_**Um… actually IT WAS MOONY'S FAULT!**_

_NO IT WASN'T!_

_**YES IT WAS!** _

_NO IT WASN'T!_

**Violating my privacy, black mailing me, PUTTING IT IN A BOOK!**

_What are best friends for?_

**You guys are gonna pay for that**

**_Ok, how's 5 galleons sound?_**

**Great, pays for dinner and the flowers! But that's not all your getting, GET OVER HERE! **

_**AH!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!! HELP ME MOONY! **_

_I CAN'T!_

**THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DO STUFF LIKE THAT! **

_WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE EUNICE? _

**GOOD POINT! **

_WHY ARE WE STILL SHOUTING?_

**I DON'T KNOW! **

**_IT'S FUN! _**

**_THE BEST DATE DOCUMENTORS EVER!_**

_**PRONGS, **MOONY, _**AND PADFOOT – _WHO DID NOT DOCUMENT THIS DATE BUT INSTEAD WAS THE VICTIM WE USED TO DOCUMENT! - OH CRAP! MOONY!! HELP ME!!! _**

A/N: Review! Reveiw! Reveiw!


	8. Chapter 8 Moony Needs A Girl

A/N: Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in….ever, but I'm back! YAY! Here's an update!

Disclaimer: I still don't own it, I'm not richer than JKR so I can't buy it from her lol I don't think she'd give HP to me anyway 

Chapter 8: Moony Needs a Girl

_I DO NOT! _

**Yes you do,**

_I'm fine guys, _

_**Moony, Moony, Moony I know you don't want to admit it, but we believe you are suffering from some serious mental issues and are turning emo all because you are the only one without a girl… What's your diagnosis Padfoot? **_

**I'd say your right Prongs, this is getting serious, we must save Moony from an eternity of scarred wrists! Moony, I'm sorry to say this but you have a serious case of Emoifiphobia I'm going to write you a prescription: Moony needs one dose of girlfriend at least once a week for… forever, or until I say so** **– **_**Or Prongs!!!! –** _**Yeah, or Prongs, if condition worsens, you will need a dose of girlfriend every single day for the rest of your life. Eventually we will need to change your prescription from 'girlfriend', to 'wife'**.

…_..Guys, I really don't need this, the only reason I don't want to be with a girl is because of my… condition, it's too dangerous and she might hate me for it. _

_**It's called: DON'T TELL HER ABOUT IT!**_

_I can't lie to my prescription! _

_**True… **_

**Moony, we know you need a girl plus you really like one too. Haven't you been looking dreamily at Marlene McKinnon?**

_NO!!!!!!!!! _

_**Yes, **_

**You know I think he's been looking weird at my second cousin, Nymphadora Tonks**

_Sirius, your second cousin is a first year and she has pink hair. Kind of hard to miss. Plus I'm way too old for her. _

**No your not, it's only like 7 years difference.**

_That is a long time. _

_**Padfoot, I don't think Remus should be dating a first year anyway. Our poor friend needs an expert at the dating stuff.**_

**You are right, Prongs. Marlene it is!**

_WHAT! NO! You're not serious! _

**Yes, I am, it's my name and I'm serious, seriously. I'm just full of Siriusly Seriousness!**

_Yeah…._

_**Where is Marly anyway?** _

**Umm, I honestly don't know, we can try the girl's dormitory…**

_You can't really do this, Oh gosh…. I'm going to need mental health counseling when we're through with this…_

_**Moony, you need a girl, you're the only one with out one!**_

_The ONLY one?? Um, who still can't get Evans to go out with him? _

_**Um well… I'm a different case, we LOVE each other- Lily just doesn't realize it yet. **_

_Yeah… sure… And who goes out with every girl EXCEPT the one he likes?_

**It's a scheme I have to make her jealous, it's working just fine thank you very much.**

_**Isn't Emmeline going out with that Ravenclaw who besides us, the girls are after??**_

**I- Umm…. I didn't know that!**

_Guys, there are no girls going after ME! You two? Shockingly yes, but not me!_

_**Of course you! You have a whole fan club in the library! Didn't you ever notice how many girls are in the library when you are? **_

_Yes, but that's because, I don't know… THEY WERE STUDYING!_

**No, you moron, it's cause they all love you!**

_Yeah... You go ahead and say that_

_**But, we're not lying!**_

**Yeah, when I was going out with… what's her face, she told me that her friends were crushing on you, but she wasn't cause she was still loyal to me- the most awesome guy in all of school history!**

_Really? _

**Yeah**,

_Liar_

**BUT! I'm telling the truth!**

_Are you SURE?_

**Cross my heart and hope to die!**

_Good! Cause if this doesn't work I will kill you._

**That's good to know**

_**Uh, Padfoot? You sure about this?**_

**Yeah, I actually was telling the truth**

_**Really? That's a first**_

**I think I should get a career in psychiatry I'm obviously very good at it.**

_You just think that Sirius, _

**Yeah cause I'm right.**

_Whatever mate, lets just do this._

_**Ok, go do it!**_

_Do what?_

**Marly is over there Moony, go ask her!**

_I have to ask her? Why not you guys?_

_**We don't like her in that way! You study too much, **_

_But how do I do it? _

_**Just the way I ask Evans out!**_

_Um… I know for sure that I'm not trying that._

**Look, Moony, it's simple: Walk up to girl, say hi to girl, girl says hi back, say that you were wondering if you would like to go out sometime. Girl says yes, and TA DA! You're a couple!**

_It's not that simple Padfoot_

**Yes it is, no girl has ever turned me down.**

_**Actually two have I believe.**_

**Who**?

_The one you like and Lily cause well like Prongs says she's off limits. _

_**DARN RIGHT! **_

**Well… Emmeline had a boyfriend the last time I asked her… but I knew she was DYING to say yes. Besides I still haven't asked every girl in the school out yet... minus Slytherins and family relations.**

_**Now Moony, go-ahead walk over there. #Pushes Moony#**_

_But I! Hi Marly… _

**GO GET HER MOONY!**

_**YOU CAN DO IT! **_

**Aw man! He walked away with her! Now we can't hear!**

_**Let the guy have his romance Sirius, he'll be back in a minute grinning from ear to ear. **_

**You never let me have MY romance!**

_**You never liked Eunice anyway, so there was no romance. **_

**Well still**

_#Grins# I'm back!_

_**She said yes didn't she? PADFOOT I TOLD YOU SO!**_

**Aw man! So, what happened Moony?**

_Well I said hi, and so did she. _

_**AND? **_

_She read the book I suggested to her last week and she got an O in History of Magic! _

_**What else?**_

_She left and I came back. _

**YOU DIDN'T ASK HER!**

_Nope #smiles#_

_**WHY**?_

_I'll do it on my own time, and I like making you guys mad #grins#_

_**BUT!**_

**NO!**

_What are best friends for? #smiles again# _

_**You will die**_

**I agree Prongs, Moony will die.**

_**The best Murderer's – erm Marauders ever! **_

**_Prongs, _Padfoot**, _And Moony – _**Who is a dead man.**

_**MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! **_

A/N: REVIEW PLEASE!!!


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